Lady Fiasco, A Traditional Regency Romance (My Notorious Aunt) Read online

  “Yes.” He eyed the front of her gown. She looked deliciously wanton with her torn dress and her hair falling out of place. Staring at her, he slid back into his coat and dusted off the sleeves. “You, however, require some assistance. The front of your gown is torn. I’ll send Lady Hawthorn to you.”

  “No!” she blurted. Fiona looked down at the ripped fabric of her bodice and clasped her hand over it. “Please. I promised her I wouldn’t create a scene tonight. I’ll think of something. Truly, I will. Oh, if only you had left me behind that comfortable column.”

  “Don’t be difficult, Fiona. Your dress is torn. You need assistance. Your step-mother is the logical choice, but if you prefer, I’ll send a maid.”

  “No. You mustn’t. The servants will gossip. How will it look? Think of your reputation, my lord, and mine.” She shook her head insistently. “No. Please, go back to your guests and I’ll think of a way out of this.”

  Circumstances looked bad. He had waltzed her out onto the balcony in front of a ballroom full of witnesses and now she had a torn gown and her hair had tumbled down. Perhaps she planned to trap him by saying he’d compromised her. He studied her face. The eyes pleading with him were clear and dark like the night sky—and completely guileless.

  “I’m not a coward, Miss Hawthorn. I refuse to leave you unattended in this predicament.”

  “Please, go,” she implored. “Every moment you stay makes the situation worse for me. Someone might come and then…”

  “And assume I had compromised you,” he finished. “That’s ludicrous. Do you suppose I care for their opinion? Not one wit. Let them think what they choose.”

  She answered in a calm voice, explaining matters to him as if he was a wayward child “I, on the other-hand, care a great deal. As I must spend the rest of my life in this neighborhood, it is rather callous of you to have so little regard for my reputation.”

  Callous? Naturally, and why not? She was right, he was callous. Why then did he feel as if she had just slapped him?

  So be it.

  “As you wish.” He bowed. “I will not trouble you further with my offers of assistance.” Turning crisply, he shut the balcony doors behind him and returned to the ballroom with his chin fixed at a stern ninety-degree angle.

  He approached a cluster of fluttering young misses and in scarcely civil tones he asked Miss Belinda Compton for the next country set. During the next half hour his eyes may have wandered toward the balcony doors, but he had no interest. What was the welfare of one obstinate female to him? Nothing. Nothing at all.

  The set ran on interminably. When the dance finally ended, it was mere curiosity that beckoned him back to the balcony, or perhaps an aggravating sense of duty. Whatever the hell it was he marched to the balcony ready to do battle.

  But when he stepped through the doors, his aggravation turned to astonishment. The balcony was empty! He checked the shadowy corners for Fiona and found them vacant. He admitted to himself that he had covertly watched the doors during the entire set. Fiona had not reentered the ballroom. Of that, he was certain. What then? Where was she?

  A grizzly solution entered his mind. He clutched at the balustrade in panic. Surely, she hadn’t jumped? The situation was not that dire. Dear God, he shouldn’t have left the foolish chit alone.

  He castigated himself while searching the ground two stories below. He squinted to see through the darkness and prayed fervently that he would not see her body lying crumpled on the grass below. He did not need another gut–twisting nightmare added to his repertoire. He couldn’t bear it. Frantically, he pushed aside the leaves and branches of the huge old Sycamore blocking his view.

  He stopped mid panic, and stared at the bough in his hand. The impish face of Fiona Hawthorn as a child flashed before him. He remembered her scampering perilously high in just such a tree. He mentally traced a route across the limbs that hung over the balcony down the tree to the ground.

  “Infernal little minx! In a ball gown. Now that’s a feat I would like to have seen.” He shook his head and laughed in relief.

  Tyrell returned to the ballroom. He knew from experience that when he smiled this way, he bore an uncanny resemblance to Satan himself. He didn’t care. He looked forward to tomorrow’s duty calls with sardonic pleasure. He would make her squirm for her part in this stunt.

  Chapter 2

  Escaping Thorncourt

  Early the next morning Fiona walked down a rutted country lane into Timtree Corners. She strode up the cobbled streets, which were lined with tall narrow Elizabethan buildings huddled together like ponderous old women. The second and third stories of the aged, half-timbered, wattle and daub structures jutted out over the street. Bedding hung, airing out, over the upper window sills as women set about their morning work.

  She dashed out of the way as the contents of a chamber pot splashed to the ground. A woman screeched. “It’s her!”

  Fiona winced and tried not to look up as shutters slammed shut above her head. She lengthened her already vigorous stride and crossed the street. But it was too late. Villagers huddled inside their shadowed doorways. Worry lines creased their brows. The boot maker hung out his CLOSED placard as she approached. Doors shut. The hum and rattle of morning activities tapered off into an eerie silence.

  Fiona passed by Mrs. Twillhammer’s open window. Nearly deaf, the old woman’s voice carried like a foghorn through the hushed streets. “Such a pity. No matter where she goes, folks do stumble an’ fall. Tables ‘n chairs break to pieces and, I suspect, the milk turns sour. The dear girl is well and truly cursed.”

  “A pity,” Mrs. Twillhammer’s sister agreed, loud enough for her deaf sister to hear. “Especially with her being such a pretty lass and all.”

  Fiona hesitated, slowing her steps, knowing she shouldn’t listen, but unable to stop herself.

  “Why only last month, Squire Thurgood’s wife told me her expensive new soup tureen—shaped exactly like a gigantic cabbage—slipped straight out of the footman’s fingers on the very day—the very day, mind you, that Miss Fiona Hawthorn came calling.”

  Mrs. Twillhammer gasped. “No!”

  “Oh yes, terrible, it was simply terrible. The lovely bowl smashed into a thousand pieces. Fish soup splattered everywhere. Oooh, an’ the smell, well, you just can imagine the smell...”

  “Never mind.” Fiona whispered to herself and picked up her pace, striding briskly past the milliner’s shop, the shoemaker’s, and the wheelwright. She fancied she could hear people exhale in relief as she passed them by, and the clank and clatter of life began again in her wake.

  She carried a book tucked under one arm and headed in a straight line toward Mr. Quentin, bookseller. A red-haired lad stuck his head out from a narrow passageway between two buildings. His eyes opened wide and he darted off like a rabbit. Fiona shook her head. They were so terribly frightened of her; perhaps she ought not venture into the village anymore.

  Finally, she stood in front of the bookseller’s open door. Mr. Quentin, a small plump man, balanced precariously at the top of a ladder. Fiona watched from the doorway, reluctant to enter the shop while he was perched in such a hazardous position. He slowly, cautiously, reached out to place a large volume on the top shelf of his floor to ceiling bookcases. At that perilous instant, the red-haired boy flung open the rear door and burst into the shop.

  “Granfer!” shouted his young grandson. “She’s comin’ here. That Miss Hawthorn, what has a curse is comin’ here!”

  The door banged into the ladder unbalancing it. Mr. Quentin flapped wildly at the air for balance.

  The lad spun around just in time to see his grandfather frantically waving a book in one hand and gripping the falling ladder with the other. The old man crashed down onto a table of books. Leather bound tomes shot out in every direction.

  “Granfer!” cried the boy, dodging a flying book.

  Fiona dashed into the room to help. The boy saw her and turned white as a sheet. “You killed ‘im.”

/>   “Nonsense,” she snapped.

  But Mr. Quentin lay motionless in a contorted heap on the book table. She leaned close to listen for sounds of life. His chest quivered as he sucked in a breath with a huge spasmodic gasp. Struggling back to consciousness, his eyelids fluttered and he blinked up at Fiona, who hovered above him.

  “‘Pon my word!” he exclaimed. “I’ve gone to heaven.”

  “Oh no, Mr. Quentin, you are still quite on the earth.” Fiona smiled, found his broken spectacles amongst the books and set them on his nose. He peered back at her through the thick lenses, one cracked.

  “Why bless me, ‘tis Miss Hawthorn! I thought you were a beautiful angel come to take me to the heavenly throne.”

  “I’m sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Quentin. It’s only me, come to bring you a book. Tell me, sir, are you injured? Shall I send your grandson to fetch the doctor?”

  He shook his head and slid his stocky figure to the floor. Fiona sighed with relief and helped him straighten his demolished book table. Afterward she purchased a few more books than she had originally planned to do.

  Poor Mr. Quentin, Fiona reflected as she walked along the pathway back to Thorncourt, yet another casualty on the long list of those wounded by Miss Hawthorn’s curse. At least, he hadn’t broken any bones, which was more than some of her other victims could boast.

  She stopped walking, and threw her head back, calling out to the maker of the brilliant blue sky, “Why must these things happen?”

  Placid sunlight radiated onto her upturned face. Its warmth comforted her, but provided no answers. The smell of ripening grain on the breeze made her sigh and smile with pleasure. The bluffs rising east of the road enticed her.

  Still morning, she thought, plenty of time. She checked behind her to make certain the lane was empty. It was.

  With uncivilized glee, she grasped the bottom of her skirt, dropped her books into it, and held it like a bag. Then, in a shocking display of unladylike behavior, she sprinted up the hillside and did not stop running until she reached the top.

  Breathing hard, Fiona stood on the crest taking in the unobstructed view of the lands below. Sheep, looking like white tufts of cotton, dotted the pastures. Other fields, thick with yellow grain, stretched toward Thorncourt. She waved to one of the grooms exercising her father’s favorite hunter on the road below.

  Turning, she darted in and out among the trees, running toward the lake that fed the pastures and fields below. Poplar and ash trees shimmered in the sunlight, sending golden dots flashing across the ground as she ran. Finally, she came to a small thatch boathouse. Inside, she plopped her books on a table in the corner and began removing her clothing.

  A few moments later, she emerged on the short pier beside the boathouse garbed in a dark blue bathing dress. The morning sun winked brightly overhead, which meant Fiona still had a whole afternoon to herself. In a performance that would have scandalized the entire neighborhood, she ran to the end of the wooden dock and dove headfirst into the lake. Plunging down into the crystalline water she no longer felt human, but like a bird soaring through the skies. The cool liquid of the lake surrounded her like a nurturing womb. She spent the remainder of the morning exploring its depths, chasing fish and practicing the strokes her father had taught her as a child.

  She was blessed with a father whose zest for life made him ignore the constraints of society, thus he’d granted her the same freedoms he would’ve given a son. They’d spent many happy afternoons riding and hunting, or fishing and swimming here at the lake. Now that he was so far away Fiona’s world kept shrinking until this was the only place she felt completely at ease.

  She didn’t think her disappearances caused her step-mamma any concern. To the contrary, Lady Hawthorn was undoubtedly relieved not to have Fiona underfoot, or painfully over-foot, as was more often the case. But to Lady Hawthorn’s credit, she deliberately remained ignorant of Fiona’s unusual occupations. After all, she could not openly approve of a young lady from Thorncourt bolting headlong across the countryside for the pure joy of it, or plunging face first into a lake.

  * * *

  Under that same brilliant sun, Lord Wesmont rode toward Thorncourt on Perseus, his temperamental white thoroughbred. As Tyrell posted up the long gravel drive he calculated how best to make Fiona pay for those moments of panic she’d caused him. Naturally, his presence alone ought to be enough to disturb her.

  She’ll be afraid I’m going to mention her torn dress to Lady Hawthorn, or discuss her extraordinary mode of escape from the balcony. She ought to be afraid—wretched Elf—giving him a start the way she did.

  Although, he planned to do nothing except make her nervous, a smile curled at one side of his mouth as he anticipated her discomfiture. His momentary amusement vanished as he looked up at Baron Hawthorn’s manor. He pictured Fiona’s father still garrisoned in Spain and swore softly under his breath. Suddenly his whole errand seemed frivolous and wrong. How could he make social calls while other men, good men, like Hawthorn, men to whom he owed his life, were perhaps facing death at this very moment? The sound of crunching gravel under his horse’s hooves roused Tyrell from his dark visions of the Spanish battlefront.

  Perseus snorted, tossed his head and danced sideways while Tyrell stared up at the three-story limestone house. A curtain moved in the upstairs window. No doubt he’d been observed. He swore softly, and contemplated turning around and going home. He shouldn’t have come—not for a mere moment’s sport.

  A stable lad ran up to take his mount and the die was cast. “I’ll see to ‘im, sir.”

  Tyrell sighed and swung down. “Keep him close, I won’t be long.”

  He trudged up the front steps and handed his card to the butler awaiting him at the door. The foyer reverberated with the sound of hammering pianoforte strings, as someone upstairs, most likely Fiona, plunked out a sonata with scant regard for meter.

  The butler returned, and led him up to Lady Hawthorn’s sitting room, announcing Tyrell with a grand flourish. The pounding of piano keys stopped abruptly, for which he silently thanked God. But when he stepped into the room, his mouth fell open and he could only gape in disbelief.

  He could not comprehend a room so riotously cluttered with mismatched decorations. Tyrell stood as rigid as a post, staring, trying to make sense of it all. It couldn’t be done. Order and reason had no part in the creation of this room. Maroon Chinese vases clashed with the blue side chairs. Egyptian artifacts looked crude atop the baroque, gold-encrusted credenza. Over the mantle hung a Georgian-style painting of a shepherdess whose bird-like features closely resembled Lady Hawthorn’s, but the lady had donned every jewel she owned for the portrait, and was outfitted to meet the Queen rather than herd sheep. The entire room was a garish jumble that seemed to march toward him like an army of lunatics.

  He glanced over his shoulder, down the stairs, and wished he’d turned around and ridden away while he had the chance. Lady Hawthorn rushed forward and extended her hand. He took it and inclined his head, noting that Lady Hawthorn smiled with her lips, but the rest of her face neglected to come along.

  He recouped his equilibrium, remembered the purpose for his visit, and turned his gaze toward the pianoforte—toward his intended quarry. His newly regained composure relapsed into confusion again as he realized the pianist was not Fiona.

  In her place sat a chit with straw colored hair arranged into a platoon of ringlets standing in stiff attention around her head, so that it looked as if she were wearing a wreath of straw. He quickly schooled his expression as Lady Hawthorn introduced him to Emeline, her daughter from a previous marriage.

  “My former husband, a good man, passed on eight years ago. May God rest his soul.” Lady Hawthorn bowed her head in a brief mournful homage. With that sad bit of business out of the way, she beamed at him as if she’d just found a shiny new gold piece in her stocking. “Surely you remember Emeline, my lord? Your mother introduced her to you at the ball.”

  He muttered an
incoherent response. No, he didn’t remember. He’d stared straight ahead in a blind cloud of irritation as the reception line had passed by. He’d merely shaken the hands offered him and grunted, while his mother prattled on about every eligible female in the district.

  Next, Lady Hawthorn presented a freckle-faced girl of about thirteen years. Her youngest daughter, Sylvia, stood up beside a large embroidery hoop and curtsied prettily.

  He glanced around the room in search of Fiona. It was possible she sat hidden behind one of the voluminous floral arrangements. Or obscured by the imposing bronze statue of Neptune riding on the back of a sea serpent, lightening bolt in one hand and a trio of mermaids clutching at his hips. But Fiona was not to be found in the crowded room.

  Lady Hawthorn directed him to a yellow silk Egyptian sofa, which promised little or no comfort, and clashed mightily with the red roses painted on the blue striped wallpaper. Tyrell inhaled, inwardly cursed himself for coming, and sat down.

  Emeline scurried over and planted herself on the other end of the sofa. He winced. Garbed in a frothy ruffled concoction with dozens of bows, her pink dress set against the yellow couch bruised his eyes. He would need something stronger than the tea Lady Hawthorn was offering to get through ten more minutes in this room.

  Sylvia bent her head laboriously over her embroidery frame and tried valiantly not to cry out as she stuck her finger with the needle. He silently wished himself anywhere but here, India perhaps, or better yet, back on the Peninsula where he belonged, or darkest Africa—anywhere.

  Refreshments arrived. Tyrell took a bite of the biscuit offered him. It crumbled like sugary sand in his mouth, which behooved him to drink down his dish of tea with some haste. Lady Hawthorn poured another cup for him, as she gossiped about their neighbors. He nodded politely and tried to change the subject by mentioning his encounter with Baron Hawthorn in Spain at the ill-fated battle of Salamanca. When she frowned, he assured her of her husband’s good health.